Earache and being awake

Twice in the one morning. CRIKEY!

Tried and still could not sleep, though did not try long as I figured out very quickly that I was not going to be able to sleep.

My ear hurts. A LOT! I need to take sudafed but will not take it when the Sun is not shining because then I cannot sleep. I should have taken it yesterday but didn't and now am sitting with the consequences, I think I have an ear infection again. I am so so tired and want to sleep so much that I have even taken risperdal which I think is a terrible medication for me because of the side effects but I know that when it kicks in it will give me sleep. In the meantime I have hung some washing and am now here again.

The sounds of my blood pumping through my body (esp head) are louder when my ears are bad. It is very loud indeed. I rely so heavily on my hearing that I worry when my ears are broken that I will not hear something I should and am jumping at little noises because I'm listening so hard. My sp keep making sleeping noises, there has been talking and thumping against the wall and the bunk bed barrier and a little spueal from the shortest of the short people.

Even though I do not blog as much as some, I really do like that I can because I feel like I cannot be judged here. To start with, there are only two people who can read it and they are both safe and strangers are welcome to read it but if they do and pass judgement I can block them. This leaves me free to type whatever I want to. I really wish I was a good artist (F is a good artist) because then I could better share what is in my head as there are so many cool thoughts but in pictures and I do not know the words to describe them, a lot of them are just colours in the sky behind the thinking trains. They are beautiful and scary and dark and bright at all different times. Right now, perhaps because God is close (I know He is always close and it is me who moves further away, but Him being close is still how I think of it) there are light colours that are filled with sunshine but flashes are dark red and purple because my ear hurts and so do other body parts, also because I feel scared about having taken risperdal. I am trying to focus on the light colours that are filled with sunshine as they are God colours. One of the colours is yellow and that is the colour of the number seven. Funny that I would never choose to have seven of something because it is an odd number but in my head bright sunny yellow and God and seven all seem to go together and it is good. There is orange too and they blend together like the Sun. None of my numbers are in orange. I want to draw it but when I try it never looks like it does in my head and that upsets me so I stop.

I really like how a decision to draw near to God ('draw' near when I cannot draw, funny) brings God within instantly. He is just there waiting. Straight away I know His love for me is complete and He delights in me even though for the life of me I cannot figure out why or how. Amazing, wonderbubble, colourful.

My Body:
Even though I still complain about being in a lot of pain, because I AM in a lot of pain. I would like to point out that the overall level of pain I am in when using the pain patch is much reduced and I can WALK which is amazing to me as before I had so much grief with walking and used crutches most of the time. Now it is the exception rather than the rule to use a walking aid and that alone makes me feel so much better. The thought of being pain free is exciting but I am scared to think it is a possibility because if I do and it does not come about then I will be very upset. Still, being able to mentally manage my pain more effectively and have a lower level of always present pain is like magic to me. Please remind me of this when I am complaining. I still want my ear to stop hurting.

I think that because I have taken the risperdal that I will sleep for a long time when I finally go to sleep. Perhaps that is a good thing though it is very antisocial since I have R visiting.

There is nothing of interest in what I am typing, I hope you skipped to the end so as not to bore yourselves stupid. I shall finish now.