My Blog has infinite space

This is my blog and I can type about whatever I want to type about. Seems like a simple thing, but it's a novel concept for me. There is infinite space here. Thank you Telle.

I can babble on about what is happening right now and there needs not be a story I am telling. I can put my thoughts here and do not have to justify them to anyone. Nifty.

I am lying on our new lounge and my darling A (I've decided I don't like calling him Ace after all) is sitting on the other side. He is watching Star Trek because that is one of the things he does best. It makes him happy and helps him to get out of his head I think. I am really really tired but enjoying being awake and in the same room as A when we are both awake even though we are doing different things.

He is really super dooper amazing. He supports me in all things I want to do and encourages me when I am finding life hard. He knows that every day is hard for me and that surviving each day is a challenge, he praises my efforts and is pleased when I achieve nothing other than still being alive at the end of the day. I am so grateful to be sharing my life with him. If I have to keep being alive when almost all the time I would prefer not to be, then I am glad I get to do it with A. God, I cannot understand why you would bless me so so much, but thank you.

With the arrival of two new lounges today (handmedowns, but really really nice ones) my A patiently kept shifting bits of furniture in the loungeroom until I was happy with where everything was. He has worked today, on his day off, going here and there and moving furniture that is not his and stuff and he still wants to help me. Oh wow. I am so so in love.

A has gone to bed now, he has put another Star Trek episode on the tv for me to watch. Apparently it is hard to sleep with me in the bed so A sometimes needs me to either sleep elsewhere or wait until he is asleep before going to bed so that he can get to sleep before mrs topsy turvy comes to bed. He has until the end of the episode to fall asleep. Hehehe.

To change the subject, I emailed my dietician and fessed up to restricting my food. I told her that I want to lose weight but do not want anorexia. It is not like I can just go on a diet, there is only one way I know how to lose weight, put less in. Restricting my food has meant I have less nausea which is good and my tail end which sustained a tearing injury on the toilet has had some time to heal without being used so much. It is hard for me to challenge my thinking that food is bad for me when I am having positive side effects from not eating so much. My ED therapist says that my case is complex because eating food gives me negative reinforcement. I can take antiemetics for the nausea which helps, but the bowel issues can only partly be resolved with medication and diet so that is always going to be an issue. Golly, I need a new body.

I just heard a noise in the kitchen, I think the bird is up to no good. Funny.

My husband and my children are the best family in the whole world.